Pet peeves. We all have them. Now that Facebook has become so wide spread, they're growing at a faster rate than Mark Zuckerberg's bank account. What's really surprising is how much these little annoyances can vary from person to person. What rankles one of your friends to no end may make another person on your list laugh out loud. If five of your readers absolutely can't get enough of your endless family photo dumps, you can bet your next mouse click that just as many are rolling their eyes along with their scroll button.
Then there's the unexpected, secret peeves that you'd never guess are causing your second cousin twice removed to silently curse the day she ever met you through Ancestry.com. For instance, it irks the hell out of my husband when someone likes his activity and also comments on it. Say what? Why? Well, it's simple, really. He gets two notifications for what's tantamount to the same thing and he sees it as wasteful. Crap. I'm guilty of that on a daily basis! I never even considered that such a thing could bother someone.
In light of such a petty revelation, I'm sure we're all guilty of doing something we see as completely benign and ridiculously insignificant that makes someone, somewhere on the Internet want to ravage our collective faces with a sharp, shiny object. After surveying friends, there does seem to be a general consensus about certain transgressions, though. For these, we need....
"The Ten Social Media Commandments"
1) Thou shalt not display duck face. To do so while taking a self portrait in a mirror of any sort only adds idiocy to your social indignity.
2) Thou shalt not post chain messages peppered with guilt or slathered with false promises in order to garner re-posts. That's what email in the 90's was for. We're all pretty much over that now.
3) Thou shalt not attack the religious, political, or social views of someone by commenting on material that they have posted on their own personal page. If a man's home is his castle, his Facebook Timeline is the garbage dump of his soul. Don't go picking through his trash and trying to convert it into your idea of treasure.
4) Thou shalt not post vague, cry for attention status updates. If you've got something to say, just come right out and type it. Attention spans are short and patience with such mindless drivel is pretty much nonexistent.
5) Thou shalt make an attempt at somewhat correct grammar. If you are above the age of 14, you have no excuse for typing all of your Facebook correspondences in an abbreviated version of text message shorthand. ppl, like, srsly hate dat.
6) Thou shalt not constantly doom and gloom. Facebook is a great tool for venting your frustrations but you have to mix it up from time to time. Being the ever present little black cloud of misery on a newsfeed is no way to keep friends or influence people.
7) Thou shalt not flaunt your fabulous vacation. We know you're excited. We would be too if we were rich enough to go to Hawaii or Tahiti for two weeks every year. Please, have mercy on our poor, envious souls and refrain from posting glamorous pictures of your amazing adventures during business hours on Monday-Friday... because we're all stuck at work and you're really making us hate you.
8) Thou shalt not use the Lord's name 500 times a day. We know that you're a Christian and most of us totally respect that. However, we don't need to see a bloody, computer generated photo of Jesus being crucified every time we log in.
9) Thou shalt not change your relationship status every time your significant other so much as looks at you the wrong way. We really don't care if "it's complicated." We have enough of our own familial drama. The last thing we want is a front row ticket to your own personal episode of Jerry Springer.
10) Thou shalt be true to thine self. Don't lie, it's usually obvious. Don't try to make us believe that your marriage is picture perfect, your children are God's gift to mankind, or that you love waking up in the morning because your job is just that awesome. Keep in mind, most of us knew you and your high school sweetheart when you first got together 20 years ago and you weren't even that lovey-dovey when the romance was fresh. Don't expect us to believe you're living a 24/7 fairy tale that's filled with rainbows and butterflies. If we want fanciful, bodice ripper fiction, we'll read a Nora Roberts novel. Stop trying to impress us with falsification. We prefer the entertainment of reality which includes, but is not limited to, snafus, mishaps, mistakes, and amusingly self-deprecating dalliances. We love to laugh with you and, if we're being honest, AT you. So, lighten up, be yourself, and if someone doesn't like it, eff 'em. After all, that's what the term "un-friended" was coined for.
Author's Note: This list was compiled based on the opinions I gleaned from friends. Personally, I have surprisingly few Facebook pet peeves. I am much more tolerant on the Internet than I could ever hope to be in real life. Maybe it's because I know that nothing that happens online has any true bearing on reality. It's the people that I'm forced to deal with face-to-face that seriously get under my skin. Plus, it's easy to cut ties in the virtual world... and there's usually a sense of finality to it. Closure is rather simple in such a setting. I only wish it were so easy to erase the annoyances in our day-to-day lives.
